[Dead. Dead dead dead. It's an echo that rattles around his head with the same razor-edges as hearing his daughter crying and being unable to pull her close and hold her tight.]
Alright. [Pressing his forehead hard against the door he'd been about to walk out of, taking a breath. There aren't any answers on the other side. Not yet.] It's alright, baby, just explain it to me. I'm listening.
[ Once upon a time, she would not have considered herself the cry baby among the sisters. But things have been very hard, and she has not heard Kelly's voice in a very long time. She sniffles and hiccups for a moment, but catches her breath to tell him hoarsely, ]
He brings the dead onboard, and they're meant to be rehabilitated for their failings. I can't come back until I'm some kind of better person.
Have to let go of something.
[ To be let loose of all strings. What kind of limp, empty thing will she be then? Will she lose herself completely? What will she have accomplished then? ]
I was stupid. I hated Haran's horrible little infants so much I couldn't stand it, and he caught me at it. Wouldn't even be here if I'd just held on until I figured something out...
You're not stupid, baby. You've never been stupid.
[Immediate, instinctive reassurance. But the truth, too. Both the girls, smarter than him in a lot of ways - an irony, to feel it now, trying to digest what she's telling him and make it make sense. To shove down all his questions and anger and grief, give her something, anything at all.]
[ It was stupid. Haran was always going to kill her for it: feeding acid to his undead brides, staking the hearts of his hideous unclean infants. She grits her teeth and doesn't argue with her father. ]
No one knows. It's different for all of us. But you have to show you're trying, or he might just lose you off the Barge. He already lost me once. I'm already on my second chance.
You can... you can show you're trying by connecting with the others. With all these vampires and demons and animals? Things I'd put in a cage. People I'd keep as pets. And now I need to be their friend?
[ Help, dad, I don't know how to be fucking normal. ]
[She says already lost me once and he feels his body start to seize, lungs locking, vision narrowing. It's an old curse, older even than the slackened strings around his heart, but its hauntings have returned in frequency since the day they fell loose. He lets himself slide to the floor, back against the door, counting out slow inhale after slow exhale. Listening to Qetzi's voice without really hearing the words.
He can't find steadiness quickly enough to reply as soon as she's finished, but he manages to leave only a short space of silence. Hopefully enough that she'll think him only deliberating, taking care in his answer.]
Your mo-- [It cuts, his chest hitching. He swallows, tries again.] Your mom was my friend.
[ She assumes he is upset to be reminded of her, and always by extension Othniel. She feels badly for it, she should have kept it together and just tried to tell him everything was fine. She gulps a breath. ]
Mom was easy to like.
[ Easy to feel for. Fragile and wounded with big eyes. A doll that someone once cracked. Othniel hovering nearby in concern, trying not to think about his own fractures. And Kelly much the same. They made each other all a little less unhappy.
Who on this fucking boat is going to understand what Qetzi has gone through? Even the other witches are not like her, not like this. ]
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It's... It's a boat between worlds. He's some kind of backwards psychopomp. He'll guide you back to life if you agree to his terms.
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Give me the name. I'll find a way to you.
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[ Because there isn't a one of them fit to warden and only wardens come in alive. ]
I'll figure it out and I'll come home. It just...
[ A gasping exhale. ]
I don't know what to do. I'll never graduate with the Hill in my guts, daddy.
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Alright. [Pressing his forehead hard against the door he'd been about to walk out of, taking a breath. There aren't any answers on the other side. Not yet.] It's alright, baby, just explain it to me. I'm listening.
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He brings the dead onboard, and they're meant to be rehabilitated for their failings. I can't come back until I'm some kind of better person.
Have to let go of something.
[ To be let loose of all strings. What kind of limp, empty thing will she be then? Will she lose herself completely? What will she have accomplished then? ]
I was stupid. I hated Haran's horrible little infants so much I couldn't stand it, and he caught me at it. Wouldn't even be here if I'd just held on until I figured something out...
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[Immediate, instinctive reassurance. But the truth, too. Both the girls, smarter than him in a lot of ways - an irony, to feel it now, trying to digest what she's telling him and make it make sense. To shove down all his questions and anger and grief, give her something, anything at all.]
What are his standards? For "better"?
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No one knows. It's different for all of us. But you have to show you're trying, or he might just lose you off the Barge. He already lost me once. I'm already on my second chance.
You can... you can show you're trying by connecting with the others. With all these vampires and demons and animals? Things I'd put in a cage. People I'd keep as pets. And now I need to be their friend?
[ Help, dad, I don't know how to be fucking normal. ]
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He can't find steadiness quickly enough to reply as soon as she's finished, but he manages to leave only a short space of silence. Hopefully enough that she'll think him only deliberating, taking care in his answer.]
Your mo-- [It cuts, his chest hitching. He swallows, tries again.] Your mom was my friend.
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Mom was easy to like.
[ Easy to feel for. Fragile and wounded with big eyes. A doll that someone once cracked. Othniel hovering nearby in concern, trying not to think about his own fractures. And Kelly much the same. They made each other all a little less unhappy.
Who on this fucking boat is going to understand what Qetzi has gone through? Even the other witches are not like her, not like this. ]
You're pretty easy to like too.